I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
