So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
