That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
