weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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