just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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