Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
