Barsexuality is the new black.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
