I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Someone shattered a urinal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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