the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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