Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
