Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
