oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
