you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
