dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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