I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
