im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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