They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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