I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize