Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
