he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
