im drinking this country out of the recession.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
