I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
