I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
