one two three fourrrrnication!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
