I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
