I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
