Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
