I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize