Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
