Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
