Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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