Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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