your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize