I'm really into asian looking animals
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize