the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
