I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my being single is dangerous.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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