Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
