Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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