I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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