Please, let me fuck your mom
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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