i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize