I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
