1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
