I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
