Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
