Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
