I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize