ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
