I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
