Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize