Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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