hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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