Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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