I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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