KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
