he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
