My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
