____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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