Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
