So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
