I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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