I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
