Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
