well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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