i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize