Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just high enough for therapy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
