Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
