Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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