After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
