Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she looked like the before picture.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
