WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
