Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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