i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
