We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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